For those of you who wish to have a DIFFERENT kind of travel experience, go no further than A Certain Country. Make sure you are a FOREIGNER, this is essential, and bring your passport with you.
Make sure you enter the country from the SOUTH, again this is essential. Make sure you DRIVE in, and make sure you hand your passport over to Immigration for the usual endorsement as you come in.
Make sure you DO NOT CHECK that the said endorsement has been made before driving off, and I guarantee you a very pleasant stay at the pleasure of His Majesty the Yang Dipertuan Agong (Supreme Ruler) of A Certain Country, upon your attempt to exit the country after your tour.
Malaysia must be the only country in the civilized world (disfunctional regimes in Africa do not count) where Immigration has every right under the law to punish legitimate visitors to the country for the failure - whether deliberate or otherwise - of their OWN officers at valid entry checkpoints to the country to endorse visitors' passports with the appropriate rubberstamps.
Other countries would readily admit that it was THEIR problem if, upon presentation of valid passports, their OWN officers (whether by way of oversight or just a general dislike of foreigners in general and Singaporeans in particular) failed to endorse those passports when they should have.
But in Malaysia, NOOOOOO, they have to really put you through the dry-wringer when you attempt, of all things, to EXIT the country validly, as opposed to hopping on a fishing boat somewhere near Kukup for a midnight trip to Sumatra.
So we are put in this truly embarrassing position where bona fide visitors entering by bona fide means in to Malaysia are put in jail for mistakes committed by Immigration - and the only excuse Malaysia can give is that those visitors were, by law, obliged to check if Immigration officers had done the job for which they are paid by their own country's taxpayers. Obviously, we can all see who this law was designed for and enacted to protect.
"Berkhidmat Untuk Negara!!" - my A**.
LMT.
LawMan's Dogs
Killer Beasts Doing Breakfast
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
A Problem-Free Formula for Abuse of Power and Corruption in A Certain Country, 101
Hello dear reader, and welcome to this introductory course, entitled as above.
The formula is very simple indeed, and may be stated as follows:-
1. Find a highly-placed friend or two in Government. But note: "Kulit" mesti "sama". Jika Kulit "tak sama", Lain Akibatnya.
2. The "A Certain Country" Government possesses a very strong propensity to engage in Muslim-centric, Keynesian, fiscal-policy, multiplier-effect, demand-side-economics expenditure. Often married to non-existent or perfunctory planning. Use this to your advantage.
3. Obtain a Government contract without open tender. In fact, do it without any track record, capital backing, relevant human resources, or objective evaluation of your ability to complete the project at all.
4. Ensure that the said contract consists of a long-term concession (at least 30 years) which confers upon you a monopoly on an area of economic activity which is essential to national productivity.
5. Can't find an area of economic activity which is essential to national productivity? Just create one, ask your friend to procure his friends in the rubberstamp Parliament of A Certain Country Government to legislate so as to create a monopoly, and have those friends grant the monopoly to you. For example, "all men are to shave and keep their heads bald by regular visits to any licensed barber shop in [ name your location ]. Penalty on default: 10 years jail - without any haircuts." This should be followed by the grant of one (1) licence only, for a barber shop in the said location, to you. All other barbers' licences are to be revoked immediately and without prior notice or explanation, whatsoever.
6. Next, ensure that the concession is bulletproofed against economic loss. You do this by persuading the Government to agree to guarantee your profits every year. For the entire period of the concession - say, at least 30 years.
7. Further, ensure that the tariffs charged to members of the public for the use of your services pursuant to the concession increase in accordance with a fixed formula every few years irrespective of actual surrounding economic and other conditions. In our example, have the barber fees start cheap, then rise sharply every few years for the entire duration of 30 years, so as to make you a billionaire many times over by the end of your concession.
8. Finally, continuing on with our example, find a genuine trained barber, wherever possible one of the "kulit tak sama" type, to actually perform the haircuts. That's because, of course, they actually know how to do the work, they just don't know how to make the money. At least not in A Certain Country. It's a consequence of Being Born Different. Pay him a tuppence, and keep the vast majority of the revenue from the haircut services for yourself as a reward for your brilliant "business" acumen. Oh, and by the way, said "kulit tak sama" barber should bear all startup and operating costs of the business, including all costs of the foregoing steps and your ongoing luxury car and extended overseas "business" trips costs.
9. If you should for any reason come under attack from journalists or sensible, ethical politicians for adopting the above business model, respond by saying that all "kulit sama" types must unite and face the world together, or the "kulit tak sama" types will "take advantage" of the situation to return all "kulit sama" types to the world they were in "before independence from 400 years of colonial domination" - or words to that effect.
10. Alternatively, threaten to shut down all "Kulit Tak Sama" businesses for the merest, most minor transgressions of the law in the name of "equal treatment for all law-breakers". Do so in a very implicit way, by means of quiet, brooding comments to the popular press.
11. As a last resort, announce that the concession agreements are strictly confidential and that their terms are not open to any question on any ground whatsoever, and have your friends arrest all who dare comment on such terms.
12. Repeat the above until you are sick of being insanely rich. Then retire and go into space on the back of a Russian rocket to test the dynamics of creating a proper good-tasting traditional Teh Tarik in a zero gravity environment.
LMT
The formula is very simple indeed, and may be stated as follows:-
1. Find a highly-placed friend or two in Government. But note: "Kulit" mesti "sama". Jika Kulit "tak sama", Lain Akibatnya.
2. The "A Certain Country" Government possesses a very strong propensity to engage in Muslim-centric, Keynesian, fiscal-policy, multiplier-effect, demand-side-economics expenditure. Often married to non-existent or perfunctory planning. Use this to your advantage.
3. Obtain a Government contract without open tender. In fact, do it without any track record, capital backing, relevant human resources, or objective evaluation of your ability to complete the project at all.
4. Ensure that the said contract consists of a long-term concession (at least 30 years) which confers upon you a monopoly on an area of economic activity which is essential to national productivity.
5. Can't find an area of economic activity which is essential to national productivity? Just create one, ask your friend to procure his friends in the rubberstamp Parliament of A Certain Country Government to legislate so as to create a monopoly, and have those friends grant the monopoly to you. For example, "all men are to shave and keep their heads bald by regular visits to any licensed barber shop in [ name your location ]. Penalty on default: 10 years jail - without any haircuts." This should be followed by the grant of one (1) licence only, for a barber shop in the said location, to you. All other barbers' licences are to be revoked immediately and without prior notice or explanation, whatsoever.
6. Next, ensure that the concession is bulletproofed against economic loss. You do this by persuading the Government to agree to guarantee your profits every year. For the entire period of the concession - say, at least 30 years.
7. Further, ensure that the tariffs charged to members of the public for the use of your services pursuant to the concession increase in accordance with a fixed formula every few years irrespective of actual surrounding economic and other conditions. In our example, have the barber fees start cheap, then rise sharply every few years for the entire duration of 30 years, so as to make you a billionaire many times over by the end of your concession.
8. Finally, continuing on with our example, find a genuine trained barber, wherever possible one of the "kulit tak sama" type, to actually perform the haircuts. That's because, of course, they actually know how to do the work, they just don't know how to make the money. At least not in A Certain Country. It's a consequence of Being Born Different. Pay him a tuppence, and keep the vast majority of the revenue from the haircut services for yourself as a reward for your brilliant "business" acumen. Oh, and by the way, said "kulit tak sama" barber should bear all startup and operating costs of the business, including all costs of the foregoing steps and your ongoing luxury car and extended overseas "business" trips costs.
9. If you should for any reason come under attack from journalists or sensible, ethical politicians for adopting the above business model, respond by saying that all "kulit sama" types must unite and face the world together, or the "kulit tak sama" types will "take advantage" of the situation to return all "kulit sama" types to the world they were in "before independence from 400 years of colonial domination" - or words to that effect.
10. Alternatively, threaten to shut down all "Kulit Tak Sama" businesses for the merest, most minor transgressions of the law in the name of "equal treatment for all law-breakers". Do so in a very implicit way, by means of quiet, brooding comments to the popular press.
11. As a last resort, announce that the concession agreements are strictly confidential and that their terms are not open to any question on any ground whatsoever, and have your friends arrest all who dare comment on such terms.
12. Repeat the above until you are sick of being insanely rich. Then retire and go into space on the back of a Russian rocket to test the dynamics of creating a proper good-tasting traditional Teh Tarik in a zero gravity environment.
LMT
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